Working on me

I think I found an obscure cure to self esteem and instead of banking on it I’d rather graciously share it with as many people as i can. The results will absolutely shock you but keep in mind it does take the effort on your end. I know, after trying dozens of methods to make myself feel substantial, worthy, I felt like I was grasping at straws. I’ve already invested my time, money and effort on methods that didn’t work for me. But this time, I think I found what will work for me.

Last week I started investing in myself ; acting on things I’ve been wanting to do. Believing that I’m worth at least trying to do something I’ve wanted to do for so long for the sake of my happiness.

Sounds simple. BUT. It takes more than a decision to act on your happiness. You have to process (which took me about…a lifetime??? so far??) that you are worth investing in. Your dreams are worth investing in, especially if they don’t make sense to other people. If it makes sense to you, then it’s worth trying. You have to believe in yourself. You have to work, because dreams don’t happen passively.

So what have I been doing that’s made a HUGE impact on my current outlook? I’m starting a Youtube channel. No, it’s not up and running (it’s only been a week!!!) but it’s finally in the works. Watching Youtubers do what I love (video games + makeup) not only comforted me during my lowest lows, not only educated me, broadened my taste, made me laugh, made work more bearable. They inspired me by putting themselves out there to make such an impact on my (and so many others) life.

Is that my motivation? Nope. And I think that’s another necessary thing to put into consideration when you’re investing in yourself. Figure out your motivation. Mine is just to do it. Whether some of my friends or rando’s end up laughing at me or not isn’t going to keep me going. The fact that I’m doing this? for my own happiness? That’s going to keep me going whether people want me to or not. Because doing something for me is a huge personal accomplishment.

What I’ve done so far is purchased these goodies. The capture card helps capture gameplay because that’s the kind of channel I want to be. Because I’m good at some games and suck at most.

      
This gorgeous mic is going to bless the internet with my shitty commentary.

A friend and I have been researching, dabbling. Still trying to come up with a name!!!!! (it’s not going to be me by myself, me and friends) and like I’ve said, it’s only been a week! But I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen in the future.

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