Bee urself

This is D.va, my favorite character from the game Overwatch . What’s not to love, honestly? She’s cute, she fights with her own giant mech, and she can eject out of it and use a gun. But above all, she’s the”gamer” persona of the game with lines like “Is this easy mode??”. She’s usually sporting a cute pink/purple suit, but here she’s wearing my favorite skin resembling a bee. BEEEEVA.

As soon as I chose her for my first match I related instantly. Her confidence and sassy comebacks while operating the mech is something I inspire to be, mech included. She’s also seen chugging energy drinks (or Mountain dew, depending on what you believe) and downing Doritos. She’s beauty, she’s grace. She’ll nerf you in the face.

Usually when I admire a character so much, I plan out cosplays. With D.va however, I’ve always been on the fence due to the constricting
nature of her outfits. I think if I continued functioning with my ED, instead of working to recover, I wouldn’t have these hesitations to cosplay her. Or at least, fewer hesitations than I do now.

BUt. I’m also impulsive. SO impulsive and even though I loathe my job I am blessed to have a stable income in a job where I’m constantly on the computer. Constantly tempted to go on break and do some online shopping…

Which is exactly what happened last week. Look at my spoils:

It didn’t take long for my anxiety to buzzkill my impulsive high. I BOUGHT A SPANDEX SUIT. Me, a recovering ED survivor. ME, eating three meals a day for once. ME-THE SELF CRITICAL QUEEN. I ended up making myself sick with a painful anxiety attack. The point of cosplay is to have fun dressing up as characters you admire or have an interest in. To share the experience with other cosplayers…surely they deal with the same trepidation at some point?? right?? This is supposed to be fun, right?

A while ago I received a notification that my wig has been delivered to my house. I’m excited to piece everything together. Not so much to look back in the mirror.

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